I'm seeing a lot of posts on this problem lately.
From Seanan McGuire, whose troll wants her to believe he can and will kill her cats.
From Jon Scalzi, who does not experience such attacks, but sees them around him, and calls them for the cowardly bullshite they are.
He points the way to a woman with recipe site trolls,
From IttyBiz, whose crime seems to be that she dared offer advice to small businessmen online whilst being female
And these are not even beginning to approach the bloggers at Tiger Beatdown, and Shakesville, who receive rape- and death-threats by the sackful with nearly every blog entry they write, purely on the basis of subject matter.
As the owner of an unbroken set of X chromosomes, and a basic level of internet capacity, I consider myself inherently involved by default. As a blogger, and an artist, and a writer of stories wherein sex is had and enjoyed, and a singer, and a congoer, I am very well aware that it's only a matter of time before I attract the notice of trolls. (Thusfar, knock wood, the only significant ones have been either anonymous and short lived when called on their cowardice, or my brother, who was only out to push buttons and get a reaction, so he totally counts on the trolling scale.)
But even taken out of this personal context, I have to take this seriously. Because of the advocacy work I do, I see the consequences of NOT taking this kind of thing seriously, and the evidence of that consequence tends to turn up in the Emergency Room, with the Sexual Assault Nurse conducting the exams on the victim. Assuming the exam doesn't take place in the morgue, that is; the coroner's the one gathering the evidence then.
So -- yeah. I don't ever take it as a joke, or conflate threats against someone's safety with the rights to 'free speech and expression'. The trolls who threaten injury are not just being assholes to some chick, they are committing a crime -- yes, a real, actual crime. And if nobody stops them, they'll go on to commit other, and probably worse crimes. But that opinion is not a surprise, nor a stretch of the imagination for anyone who knows me.
And it's not why I'm writing this blog entry either.
I'm writing this blog entry so that when it happens to you, you'll know what to do about it.
Rule one; Document, document, document.
I know for many who have been the target of hate mail campaigns, the urge is to just delete them all and pretend they never happened, but this will only help you if the stalker in question is of a very lightweight sort of malice. Think of ignoring bullies on the playground; did it ever really make them get bored and walk away? No. It made them push harder, and harder, and harder, looking for the reaction they were after all along. Generally, if a blogger is threatening you, they're after a perceptible fear reaction. A reaction of silence might give them time to come down off the meth and reconsider, but it might not. And if the next step the stalker takes is escalation, then YOU WILL NEED A TRAIL OF PROOF. I mean it. All the proof you possibly can find. Printed out and put into a file folder, with ISP addresses wherever possible, and e mail addresses as well.
Rule two; get the police involved.
Sanity check here; I don't mean for every mean comment you get on your blog. Nor even for any threat to, say 'fuck the stupid out of you'. But for commenters who are repeat offenders, and who escalation in their tactics, you MUST get the officials on your side if you're to have any hope at all of making it stop. Unless you are an alpha-geek and know the net well enough to track the trolls back through their protections to get THEIR home addresses, you will most likely need your state's Cybercrime unit.
When you make the decision that the threats are escalating, and/or the threats are beginning to sound like you really ARE in danger, (and please do err on the side of caution, Ladies,) you will need to contact your police department, and ask to speak to someone who can help you with a stalker. This department's name will change from station to station, so I can't just say 'ask for the DV and Stalking unit,' but given the enormity of some of the stalking cases in the last decade, even the poorest-funded police departments will have at least one officer who can talk with you about the steps he'll need you to take next.
*Disclaimer: this point of advice is pertinent to US residents. It might possibly be pertinent to stalking victims outside the US, but I don't know the laws of those countries, and so I cannot give advice about how to do this there. But I do still advise seeing what legal resources are available to you in this situation no matter where you live.
Rule three; let your personal support network know what is happening.
You really do need for the people who are important in your life to know what is happening. For one, it's important that they know WHY you're twitchy and scared if you get a bad e mail on date night, for instance. For two, they can help you with the things like rule one, and further down, rule five. And for three, if your stalker escalates to threatening them, it's only fair that they KNOW ABOUT IT, so they can take appropriate steps to protect themselves. You might be tempted to think things like 'oh, I don't want to drag them into this mess', but if they love you, then they are already in it, and it isn't you who's dragged them there, it's your stalker. You're not shielding them by not telling them, you're making it impossible for them to see the danger coming, and to dodge. They will also probably not appreciate being denied the chance to support you through the matter, because, d'uh, THEY LOVE YOU! Let them do it.
Rule three point five: Make sure your support network understands that they can't fix it FOR you.
This is really quite important when telling S.O.'s and parents about it. People feel protective when their beloved folk are being threatened. They often want to just charge off and lay waste to the threat by any means at their disposal, and unfortunately allowing them to do so is usually somewhat disastrous. Direct confrontation by secondary people often (as in usually,) makes the stalker escalate drastically, and in unpredictable ways. Let your people know that you're trusting them to give you the help you ASK THEM FOR, and the support you NEED, but otherwise to let you do what needs doing. Let them know that their taking the matter on could be more dangerous to everyone, but that you need to know that they're watching out for you, and that you can go to them for comfort when you need it.
Rule four; don't be afraid to file restraining orders.
Whenever you have enough in hand to get one, do not be shy about going to court and getting orders of protection, and/or restraining orders against the person. These can include orders never to contact you under any guise or alias, as well as orders never to come within a certain distance of you, and so on. It might seem at first to be useless to do this when he'll just change his ISP and do it anyway, but it isn't. Because bullies make mistakes. And when they do make mistakes, if there is an injunction filed against them, then THEY ARE GOING TO JAIL FOR IT. If you do not have the injunction, then it is not as easy for the authorities to take him away, should his next escalation include, per se, hanging around outside your house,and taking and posting pictures of your front door, car, husband, pets, and toddler on the internet with gun targets painted on. Sure, that's shitty, and everybody knows what he means by it, but it's legally shaky ground UNLESS he's got a court order telling him he can't be anywhere near you.
Rule five: notice things.
This might seem like I'm telling you that you must be paranoid. I wish I could say I'm not, but when you have a stalker, hypervigilance is actually a sound and valid coping mechanism, and one which might very well keep you safe. So yes. Notice when you find things not as you'd left them -- both online, (signs of hacking) and in your real life. Pay attention to when you get hangup calls, and how many you get. Pay attention to unfamiliar vehicles. Use tracking software on your blog if you can find some with which you are comfortable. Notice all the little forms of harrassment that your stalker uses to let you know he's still there, waiting for you to show him how scared you are. Add these to your documentation folder. Give them to the police as they happen. Do not let them slip under the radar.
Rule six: do not underestimate the effects this fear will be having upon you.
PTSD is nothing to laugh at, nor is it something that can be just shrugged off and bootstrapped through. It's real, and it's caused by shock, terror, and anxiety states EXACTLY LIKE THE ONE YOUR STALKER IS TRYING TO PUT YOU INTO. Having a psychiatric professional (not a drug-doc, necessarily, but definitely a therapist who has treated PTSD and abuse victims before,) to whom you can talk, and with whom you can process YOUR reactions to what's happening is really critical. Telling yourself you mustn't be afraid, or you can't give him the satisfaction is all very well, but the tension and anxiety still will need talking out, and a pro can watch for danger signs that your husband or BFFs won't know even if they spot them. If you can't afford it, see if your local rape crisis center offers counseling support for Domestic Violence/Stalking victims, and if not, can they direct you to a worthy therapist who will work on a sliding scale. Chances are, if they can't help you, they'll have built up a links list of doctors who can, and who will.
Rule seven: do what you feel you must do in order to be safe.
If that means you delete your online presence, move house, and never write again -- well, I will grieve for you, and rage at the bastard who did it, but I will not blame you. I CANNOT blame you, as I have not that right; not my shoes, not my mile, as I like to say. If you choose to buy a gun, and get really proficient with it; if you choose to install security systems in your home; if you choose to take karate classes; if you choose to give your threatened pets to someone who does not have an internet life, and is therefore not a target; if you choose to get your friends in Anonymous to hit the asscracker with a DDoS attack until his server pleads for mercy; if you choose to hire a bodyguard; if you choose to sleep with a machete; if you choose to hire a private investigator to track your stalker down and provide you with HIS home address -- these are your choices to make, and the consequences thereof are yours to account for.
But please do not just ignore it and hope it will go away. Generally it doesn't, because a troll that will turn stalker only escalates from there. Asshats don't go to that kind of trouble unless they have a taste for fear, and eventually verbal terrorism won't be enough. He'll need to actually SEE the terror in some girl's eyes as he proves his might on her -- it might not be you. But it will be someone, sooner or later.
Common Sense Disclaimer: If you know someone who needs this information, I have no objection to your either reposting it, or linking them here.
Also, I am well aware that male bloggers can get female stalkers, who can turn quite abusive. My advice is actually not very different for them. However the escalation path of a female stalker is markedly different to a male stalker of a female victim, and too, the phenomenon of a female fan persistently threatening a male blogger is quite a small demographic, whereas the reverse of those gender roles happens with depressing regularity these days. Thus I chose to directly address the attacks of male stalkers on female bloggers. If you feel you need to address the reverse in your own blogs, you have my blessing.
Discussion of the topic of stalking, cyberterrorism, and violence-trolling is appropriate in the comments, however trolls, apologists, and poo-throwing monkeys will be rolled in their own dung, lit on fire, and roasted on a spit,(metaphorically,) before being thoroughly banned, and all trace of their assmilinery expunged from the record with neither apology nor the merest trace of shame. If you wouldn't say it to your mom, don't say it here. That is all.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
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